Malachi Clarke and his partner Charlie Bennett welcomed their son nearly two years ago, and want people to understand they are just like any other family.
A man who is the first female to male trans man to have conceived a baby naturally has opened up about his experience, and his family’s story since then.
Malachi Clarke, 27, and Charlie Bennett, 31, who is gay, are dads to Baby A, who is almost two years old. Malachi said: “Our son calls me Daddy while Charlie is Dadda.”
Explaining why he is speaking out, he says: “We want people to see there is a positive side to being trans. The media paints us as predators but we’re just a couple getting on with life.
“We lead healthy, happy lives, and we want to be open that trans people can have families. You do have to stop your hormones but you don’t need to freeze your eggs. If you’re trans and you want to have kids naturally, go ahead because you can, like we did.”
Malachi was born female and came out as trans aged 17, before starting the male hormone testosterone at 19, and undergoing top surgery to remove his breasts at 20. He now works as an administrative palliative care worker, and met childcare professional Charlie three years ago, with the pair falling in love quickly.
The family now live in Tilehurst, Berkshire, with Charlie’s parents in a house backing on to their garden, giving them a close support network. They spoke to our sister title the Mirror about their experience.
“We just fell in love, didn’t we?” Malachi says to Charlie. The couple, who both had male partners previously, both felt ready to settle down when they met on a dating site. Charlie said: “We were honest with each other because I had got to the point in life where I wanted to have kids. And Mal did as well.”
Malachi says: “We fancied the pants off each other! Charlie basically came over to my house the next day and never moved out! A month later I found out I was pregnant. Six months later we were engaged and we’ve been together for nearly three years now.”
Explaining their intimacy, he added: “Sex is sex. It’s not gay sex it’s not straight sex – it’s just sex. It’s hearts not parts to us – we make do with what we have.”
Speaking about their toddler son, Charlie said: “Our boy has autism, which mainly means his speech has been slower to develop, but he’s met all the other milestones now. And he will now be moving into the same nursery class as kids his own age.”
Charlie, who used to be a manager in adult social care, now works as a room leader at their son’s nursery, while Malachi goes to his admin job at a hospice. Malachi said: “I drop them both off at nursery every morning and pick them up!”
The couple say their story is rare, but want people to understand that they live like an other family. Malachi explained that the majority of trans people are in same-sex relationships – in terms of the sex they were born – and conceive assisted by either a sperm donor or IVF.
He added: “I have found in the trans community that, pre-transition, trans men generally date women. Then they transition and they still stay with women. There are not many trans gay couples because the gay community is not always accepting. They see you as a fetish, or they’re like, ‘Oh I’m not really gay because I sleep with you because of your body parts.
“I’ve always said, ‘if you don’t like trans people that’s totally fine. Preference is preference.’ But Charlie was like, ‘Well, let’s just go on a date, I don’t care.’ He saw beyond it.”
Charlie added: “Plenty of people out there don’t care if someone is trans. I didn’t care that Mal still has whatever body parts.” Malachi said: “I’m just a man who has a vagina. If people want to see me another way, that’s their problem – not mine.”
In June 1997, Malachi was born female, before he was adopted by a couple at 18 months old alongside his younger sister. He grew up in York with an older adopted brother and several foster children, who his parents welcomed into their house.
Malachi has a positive relationship with his parents, and never wanted to contact his birth parents, who he believes were drug addicts. However, he felt different to other girls growing up. He recalls: “Since I was young, I felt something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put it into words, but I knew I wasn’t who everyone thought I was.
“I hated dresses, long hair, and make-up. I was drawn to football, rugby, and hanging out with the boys.” Looking for answers online, he said: “I stumbled across a YouTube video of a trans man, and suddenly, I had the words I needed.”
Concerned about how he would explain who he was to his family, Malachi kept it a secret until he was outed by his sister at the age of 17.
He said: “Mum was shocked at the time.” Afterwards, he presented as male, before legally changing his name by deed poll to Malachi Shadrach Clarke. He added: “I chose both biblical names ‘Malachi’ and ‘Shadrach’ because my degree’s in theology, and I changed my surname to ‘Clarke’ because I love Rylan Clarke!”
Facing a waiting list of up to five years for hormones on the NHS, he went private. “Within six weeks I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and I started on testosterone, aged 20, in June 2018,” he said. “After a few months, I started growing facial hair. My body hair thickened, my shape changed, and my voice deepened.”
In 2019, he paid £6,000 for top surgery, which he funded by working a 100-hour week. “If I want something, I go get it,” he says. “I think the trans community cause their own problems. Yes, there’s a long wait time. Access to our healthcare is difficult, but it’s the same for all sorts of health problems, not just gender.”
In May 2021, he legally registered as male, and received his gender recognition certificate in the same month. However, he was worried his gender change would make meeting somebody more challenging. He said: “I thought I wouldn’t have kids naturally because the opportunity wouldn’t arise. Then I fell in love with Charlie.”
NHS guidelines recommend stopping testosterone at least three months before becoming pregnant. Malachi, who had came off the hormones 18 months before, says: “My features became a bit softer, and my facial hair got lighter, but I didn’t feel feminine – I just felt like myself.
“My periods restarted, and also my severe acne, which had been caused by testosterone, cleared up and my body’s reproductive system had kicked back in.”
After a negative pregnancy test at first, the couple tried again, and had a positive test the second time around, and were excited to share their news with loved ones.
He recalled: “Being pregnant made me feel more Malachi than any other part of my transition. I loved it and would happily be pregnant again. I don’t believe in gender roles. I’m not deluded to how the world has written biology – but it’s a societal construct. I felt like a man who has a reproductive system.”
While friends and family were incredibly happy for them, the couple found their local NHS less understanding. When Malachi had a bleed during pregnancy, they were not satisfied with their treatment, and underwent a scan privately, which confirmed everything was fine. After this experience, they chose to have an elective caesarean in Malachi’s hometown of York.
Although he is legally male, Malachi is registered as the mother on his son’s birth certificate, while Charlie is registered as the father. This anomaly means that he is both legally male and female at the same time.
Malachi said: “I don’t care that I’m down as mother on the birth certificate. I know who I am – I’m his dad. Yes, it would be lovely if the system was more progressive, but that change will come, there’s no need to shout about it.”
The couple accept that they will have to explain to their son that he has two dads and one of them was originally born female.
Malachi continued: “We’re going to tell him he has two dads and how daddy made him. He already has lots of baby making children’s books in his room about all the family variations – from adoption to IVF and also Freddy McConnell’s book Little Seahorse And The Big Question, which explains how the male seahorse gives birth.
“So we’re just going to tell him everything. Yes, there is a potential for him to be bullied when he’s older, but we’re not that worried, and we’re hoping that the school he goes to will be inclusive and supportive.”
In their village, the couple are welcomed by local parents in the park who all want to meet their adorable toddler. “We do get questions like, ‘How did you have him?’ ‘Is he adopted?’” says Charlie. “But I grew up here, so we never have any problems.”
However Malachi explains: “When we leave Tilehurst and go into town [Reading], we do get stares, because it’s two men and a baby.”
Soon the family of three hopes to expand. “I’m proud I gave birth as a man and want more children. We’d like a sibling for our son, so he always has a friend,” said Malachi, who restarted testosterone six weeks after giving birth.
Ready to conceive naturally again – even if it means stopping his hormone treatment again – he does not intend to have genital realignment surgery at any point in the future. He added: “I don’t see gender or becoming male or female as defined by surgeries. No, I don’t want multiple surgeries, they’re invasive and it doesn’t fully function intimately. Charlie and I are happy because it works for us.”
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